


Forever From Now

by helloferelith



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Strangers to Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21758512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helloferelith/pseuds/helloferelith
Summary: When Lucas meets Eliott at a party, during the first week of university, he can’t get enough of him. He also can’t bring himself to commit to anything serious, because he never did get around to coming out to his friends in high school like he’d planned. So when Eliott meets someone else, Lucas tells himself it’s no big deal...except that it is.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 23
Kudos: 266





	1. Chapter 1

“You must be Lucas.”

He glanced up at the guy who’d sat next to him and said this quietly into his ear. They were on a crowded balcony with the lights of, but beyond the balcony, the night sky was bright with a full moon and the soft glow of neon signs from the street below. 

The diffuse light made everyone look better: smoothed out acne or cancelled a bad hair day. Although, Lucas is fairly certain that even without the four beers he’d sunk so far, the boy sitting next to him was the hottest person he’d ever seen. He was taller than Lucas by quite a bit, with messy light brown hair, a long straight nose and a mouth that quirked sideways into a smile. 

“I  _ might _ be Lucas” he told him. What he meant was  _ For you, I am Lucas. I’ll be anybody you’re looking for.  _ “Who wants to know?”

“I’m Eliott” They were sitting too closely for a proper handshake, but the boy bent his elbow, arm close to his side and held out his hand. Lucas shakes it.  


Eliott pointed towards the house. “I met your friends inside. They told me your name and said you were probably hiding out by the beer.”

Lucas looked down at the coolers of beer in front of his feet, fishing out a bottle of beer for himself first, he then hands one over to Eliott too. “My friends know me too well. It’s annoying.”

“Hot?” Eliott asks.

“Are you asking if I am or telling me I am?” Lucas smiles at the guffaw he gets from the other boy. 

“I was asking, I thought maybe that’s why you were out here and not in there with everyone else. But you look…” Eliott rambles, glancing up and down Lucas’ body. Something Lucas enjoys very much. “Good” he finishes.

Lucas twists the cap off his beer, eyeing Eliott with darkened eyes. “So-”

Just then, with a chorus of “Heeey” his three friends arrive at his side. Smiling down at them both. The other boy smiles back brightly.

“Hey” Lucas says glumly. The lukewarm greeting might not be fair, but he’s a little put out that it means his one-on-one conversation with Eliott is over. 

“It’s nice you two have met” Yann says. 

“Yeah, we told you he’d be by the beer  _ and _ that he’d be grumpy” Basille smiles, gently punching at Lucas’ arm. 

Lucas rolls his eyes, reaching down to pull out a bottle of beer for each of them. “I see university has really honed your sense of humour Baz”

Eliott chuckled at that.

Obviously it hadn’t occurred to his friends that, unless some sort of miracle saved him, he had an 8am class in the morning. He hadn’t even wanted to come to this party in the first place but they’d made him. 

From over his friends shoulders, he could see a petite girl and her friend giving Eliott the eye. Without really meaning to, Lucas fitted her with a glare. It must’ve startled her because she actually took a step back. Neither of them looked over again. 

“Is Chloe coming tonight?” Yann asks him. 

_ Damn it.  _ Chloe was a girl he’d met on the very first day of classes and who he’d subsequently kissed at a couple of parties since. Lucas knew it wasn’t fair or right because he wasn’t interested in her, or any other girl for that matter, but it kept his friends off his back.

He really didn’t want to give Eliott the impression he was dating her. “Working or studying, I guess” Lucas shrugged dismissively. 

As his friends moved along to say hi to someone else, Eliott spoke into his ear. “Sounds like you know this Chole girl pretty well. Is she your girlfriend?”

“Definitely not” Lucas says firmly. He doesn’t know how to explain that he’s still very much in the closet to everyone, apart from his flatmate. So instead he changes the subject. “So, are you from Paris or did you move here for school?”

“I moved here. I’m from Rouen” Eliott says, placing his empty beer bottle onto the small metal table. 

“What was that like?”

“It was fine. Very medieval, lots of cobbles” Eliott laughs softly. 

“What did you do for fun up there?”

“Uh, I did a lot of art. I mean, I had friends too but honestly I liked to keep to myself a lot of the time and just do my drawings and paintings.” His mouth cocked to one side, embarrassed. 

So he was the mysterious, creative, passionate, loner type. As if Lucas needed an excuse to be any more attracted to him. The reverence in his mind didn’t quite make it to his mouth. 

“Is that what your study here then?” He asks instead.

Eliott just nods, smiling as he reaches over Lucas’ legs to retrieve another beer. Lucas sips at his own beer, racking his brain for a way to salvage the conversation. He didn’t want Eliott to disappear on him. As Eliott straightened up, Lucas realized they were sitting closer than before. The boy drummed his fingers on his knee, to the beat of the music filtering out onto the balcony. The beat he tapped out seemed so complex, that Lucas wondered if he’d been a drummer at some point.

As they talked, Eliott looked into his eyes as if he were the only one at the party. He even laughed at all of Lucas’ stupid jokes. Now that his fifth beer was kicking in, Lucas had let go of some of his anxiety about saying exactly the right things. 

“Time for everybody to get lost” A girl calls out. “Someone called the police about the noise.”

A stampede of people began filtering towards the front door. Just ahead of them he can see his friends saying their goodbyes to the girl whose party it must’ve been. “Thanks for hosting” Arthur says, touching her arm. He'll have to remember to ask him about that tomorrow.  


When they step out onto the street, he can see his friends waiting for him across the road. Yann holds up his thumb and pointer finger to his mouth, saying  _ I have weed. Want to come smoke? _

Lucas shakes his head in a small enough motion that he hopes Eliott doesn’t notice. Yann raised one eyebrow and lowered the other, saying  _ You’re turning down weed, have you lost your mind? _

Lucas raised both his eyebrows and shrugged. Yann and the others might give him a hard time about it the next time they see each other, but they won’t be mad at him for ditching them. 

He turned to Eliott and to his horror found the boy watching him bemusedly. He must’ve witnessed his entire silent conversation with Yann. “Don’t let me keep you” he says, with a devilish grin.

Heart thumping, Lucas tries to save his night with Eliott. Sliding his hand against Eliott’s he says, “I’d rather go with you. Walk me home? If that’s not too weird”

The warm notes of his chuckle send tingles racing up his arms. “It’s not weird”

* * *

As they approached the door to Lucas’ apartment building, he grasps for Eliott’s hand. “Come inside?”

Eliott stared at him for a second too long, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. “Sure.”

Lucas tugged on the boy’s hand, leading him up the stairs and through the front door. He doesn’t bother flicking on the hallway light, worried it’d wake up his flatmate. He pulls him along the short hall and into his bedroom, closing the door quietly behind them. 

Lucas kicks his shoes off and sits down on his bed, waiting for Eliott to join him. The boy perches on the very edge, right next to him, their thighs touching. Street lamps cast the only light through the window blind. Stripes of shadow moved up Eliott's chest and arms, over his broad shoulders and up his neck. Lucas wondered again, if he’d look this good in broad daylight. Eliott might’ve been wondering the same thing about Lucas for all he knew.

Eliott pulls Lucas’ hand towards him and clasped it in both of his own, lightly massaging his fingers. He looks Lucas over - his hair, eyes, shoulders, chest - like he wanted to remember every inch of him. It was oddly touching but also strange. He kept getting mixed messages from the guy. He seemed to want Lucas, as much as _he_ wanted Eliott, but there was something holding him back. 

Lucas reached up to rub his thumb across the furrowed line between his brows. “So worried” he whispered. “Relax” he softly swept his fingers through the boy's hair, one of his fingernails lightly scratching at the back of his neck. Eliott sucked in a little gasp. Lucas had hit upon one of his triggers. 

He hastily put one hand on Lucas’ waist, the other on the side of his face and pulled him closer. Eliott placed his lips against one corner of Lucas’ mouth and then the other corner, before kissing him full on. His tongue teased his lips apart and swept inside. Eliott was a great kisser, gently controlling in the exact way Lucas liked. He could’ve stayed just like that with him for hours, but Lucas wanted more. 

He took Elliot by both shoulders, pulling the boy down on top of him as he lay back on the bed. Eliott held himself above him and for a split second, Lucas thought he was going to back away. But he only rearranged himself, so that their bodies fit better together. Suddenly Eliott’s mouth was on his neck, his hands were low on his waist and his erection pressed against him. He settled more of his weight on top of him. Lucas sighed with satisfaction. 

“Wow” he whispered against Eliott’s lips. The other boy giggled before kissing him deeply for a moment, then moving over to his earlobe. Lucas turned his head slightly so he could reach better. He was rewarded with an explosion of tingles spreading down his neck and giving him goosebumps over his entire body. 

“Do you like that?” He asked.

“Not really” Lucas said drily.

Eliott chuckled in his ear at the obvious lie. This was the hottest thing he’d done yet. Eliott trailed one hand from Lucas’ ear to his neck. His fingers traced gently across his chest and deftly undo the top button of Lucas’ shirt. 

“Do you like that?” He asked.

“It’s okay” Lucas managed to say between gasps as Eliott’s fingers continued downward. His fingers blazed a trail of fire across Lucas' skin, paused to undo another button and traveled further down. When every button was undone, Lucas was breathing heavily with anticipation. With a light scratch of stubble against his tender skin, Eliott placed his mouth on Lucas’ chest. As Lucas’ hands found their way into Eliott’s hair again, the boy huffed a laugh against his skin. Each puff of warm breath sent a fresh chill across Lucas’ chest and arms. “Do you like this?”

“Yeah, this I’m sure that I like”

In agreement, he placed another kiss on Lucas’ chest, his mouth lightly grazing over his nipple. Lucas was afraid he might actually explode from the pleasure, holding his breath with each kiss Eliott placed. Lucas never wanted him to stop, but he also didn’t want to be greedy. He took Eliott's cheek in his palm and brought his face up to meet his lips. He moved one hand down between them, under Eliott’s weight and into his waistband. Lucas knew Eliott was enjoying it because he kept forgetting to kiss Lucas back. 

“Do you like that?” Lucas laughed, biting down on his bottom lip.  _ Payback. _

“I uh, I haven’t decided yet. So you should probably just keep doing it until I make up my mind” Eliott grunted, after a couple quick exhalations. 

Through his laughter, Lucas was careful to keep touching him, he didn’t want to make him choose between feeling good and cracking jokes. This boy, sent to say hi to him at a party, was quickly becoming one of Lucas’ favourite people. If he kept sounding so pleasantly shocked at every little thing Lucas was doing, he might even replace his best friends as Lucas’ favourite person. 

Brightness grew in the room from under the door, as the hall light turned on. The lines across Eliott’s face changed and moved. The boy’s good looks definitely weren’t just in his imagination. 

“Don’t tell me that’s your parent’s home..”

“Oh no” Lucas assured him. “It’s just my flatmate - I think we talked about him on the way over here. He usually likes to make sure I’ve come home after a party”

Eliott sat up, smiling. “You have good friends”

“Yeah, so good I want to kill them sometimes” Lucas groans as he watches Eliott pull his mobile phone from his back pocket. 

“God it’s late. I should go. My mum’s called me like three times” Eliott frowns. 

“That’s sweet” Lucas smiles dreamily, unable to stop himself.

“Yeah, she worries about me being so far away in a new city and all. Plus, I have somewhere I need to be at eight in the morning”

Something seemed off. Eliott didn’t seem like the type of guy who’d go home early to be well-rested for an early morning. 

He held Lucas’ gaze as he pushed his foot into one shoe, then the other. 

“Do you know your way home from here? Maybe I should walk  _ you _ home?” Lucas laughs softly. 

Eliott grinned brightly, his eyes squinting. Leaning forward he kissed Lucas slowly and deeply, like they had all the time in the world. Finally drawing away he said, “I have GPS on my phone, I’ll be fine”

Lucas wished he could spend this night with Eliott, over and over again. It had been one of the best nights of his life. 

Reaching out to tousle Lucas’ hair, Eliott held out his phone with his other hand. “What’s your number?”

Lucas carefully typed it in, he wanted Eliott to be able to get in touch the next time he wanted to drink together on someone’s balcony and walk him home. The boy took his phone back, his soft lips pursed in concentration. His hair fell forward into his eyes. A moment later Lucas’ phone rang in his pocket. 

“Call me anytime” He laughed.

Lucas sighed with relief. He hadn’t realized how nervous he’d gotten while Eliott looked so pensive. He tensed right back up when Eliott asked, “Are you busy tomorrow afternoon?”

“Why?” He countered suspiciously. 

“Well, I thought I could take you to lunch and then you could show me around the city a bit? I haven’t really had a chance to do it by myself.”

Lucas didn’t know what to say. Truthfully, he was busy tomorrow but Eliott wasn’t just asking for tomorrow. Lucas could tell by his tone, that if tomorrow was no good, then he’d ask for another day.

Lucas wanted so much to just kiss him and say yes, but if they went on a date and really hit it off, which he suspects they might, then it means he has to have a difficult conversation with his friends and family. Something he’s not ready for. 

Eliott took Lucas’ hand, his thumb stroking softly over his palm. Waiting for an answer.

“That sounds a bit too serious,” he says, pulling his hand back. 

“Serious? It’s lunch” Eliott smiles.

“I just mean you’re moving too fast” Lucas shrugged his shoulders.

“Too fast? Aren’t you the one who asked me to walk you home and invited me up to your room?” The smiles falls from his face. “You know what? I’m sorry” Eliott backtracked. “Maybe what I said came out wrong, I didn’t mean to put any pressure on you. I just meant lunch. That’s all.”

“I can’t” Lucas says quietly. 

Not a muscle moves in Eliott’s face, Lucas couldn’t read his expression. Then he nods very slowly, staring up at the ceiling. “Sorry, again” he said, getting up and walking out of the room. Lucas trailed after him.

Eliott opens the front door, letting the cool air inside. As he turned to face him, Lucas felt himself flush all over again, with the longing he’d experienced when he‘d first saw him. His stomach twisted, it felt wrong letting Eliott go. 

The boy looked into his eyes, then gazed at his lips. Lucas thought he might kiss him again and then maybe - just maybe - they could end the night how it should’ve have. No such luck. Without touching him, Eliott takes a step backward into the stairwell. 

“Goodnight, Lucas” He said and then he was gone.

Lucas hurriedly navigates his way back to his room and lifts a slat in the blind, he watches Eliott walk along the street until he turns a corner, up a dead-end street. He waited. Sure enough, he came back to the corner, focusing on his phone and headed down the street torward town. 


	2. Chapter 2

Lucas woke to the sound of the front door banging shut, which meant it was seven a.m and Mika was heading to work. Bright morning light streamed through the blinds. He scowled, remembering what had happened the night before. He didn’t understand Eliott. He was absolutely the type of guy Lucas could get attached to, if he wasn’t careful. 

By the time he dragged himself out of bed, it was nearing seven-twenty. He wouldn’t have time to shower. He walked over to his closet, picked out fresh clothes and hastily threw them on. He stuffed a couple of books into his backpack and briskly headed towards the door. He didn’t feel too hungover, and he hoped it would stay that way once he was out in the cool morning air. 

When he reached campus, he dashed across the courtyard and into the building. Sidestepping crowds of people, he made it to the lecture room. Glancing quickly at his phone, the time displayed eight o’ five. He was late. 

Lucas’ hand hovers on the door handle, he hopes that he’ll be able to just throw an apologetic look at his professor and slide into a seat with minimal fuss. His plan goes awry when the door hinges give a prolonged squeak and eighty pairs of eyes are suddenly looking in his direction. One set belonging to Eliott. 

He doesn’t recognize him at first with his burnt orange beanie hat pulling the hair off his forehead, but as Lucas approached the first available free seat, situated at the end of the sixth row, there’s no mistaking those crystal blue eyes. 

What was _he_ doing _here?_ Lucas wonders to himself. Why would an art student be taking an Economics class?

As he dropped down into the seat, he sees Ms. Berger fix him with a stare over her shoulder, before returning to finish whatever she’d started writing on the board. Normally, Lucas would spend the hour taking extensive notes, but the overwhelming sense of being watched by a certain pair of eyes in the row behind, had him a little distracted. The class dragged on.

When their professor announces the end of the lecture, Lucas doesn’t want to pass up the perfect opportunity to speak to Eliott again. “Do you have another class right now?” He asks, turning to face Eliott as he stands up.

Eliott glances up at the large mounted wall clock. “I have some time” he grins.

They walk together through the winding hallways until they reach a quiet spot in the grassy courtyard. Lucas reaches a hand down to feel at the grass, making sure it’s dry, before sitting himself down. “Join me?”

“Sure” Eliott says, staring at him with curious eyes. He eases his tall frame onto the grass, leaning back on his elbows. 

Allowing the comfortable silence to stretch on, Lucas unzips his bag and pulls out a lighter and the joint he’d prepared the night before. He lights it, taking a drag. “Want some?” he asks, holding it out. 

Eliott watches him sidelong for a moment and then nods “Sure” he says again, reaching out the take a hold of the end. Lucas tries really hard to ignore the trickling feeling of electricity surging through his body as their hands briefly connect. 

“So” Lucas says softly, blowing out a puff of smoke. “You don’t seem as surprised to see me here, as I am to see you”

A light blush spread across Eliott’s cheek. “I told you last night that your friends sent me to find you and introduce myself.”

“Yes you did” Lucas acknowledges. “But-”

“When I walked into the party, I said I was new to the city and I was studying Art and Economics. They said I had to meet their friend Lucas because he was studying Economics too.” He shrugged a shoulder.

“And here was me thinking you came to speak to me because you wanted to get drunk and hook-up” Lucas huffed out a laugh.

“Do your friends normally meet complete strangers at a party and then send them to hook up with you?”

He had a point. “No they do not” Lucas hesitates, glancing around suspiciously at the clusters of people around them. “Because they uh, they don’t know I’m _into_ guys.”

“Oh” Eliott says, surprised. 

“We spent a lot of time together last night. You had plenty of chances to tell me you’d be in my economics class, or that we’d be seeing each other again so soon.” Lucas says, a hint of a smile on his lips.

Eliott nods. “I suppose you’ve got me there, it wasn’t my intention to hide it from you. Once we started talking, I was having fun with you, and then I’d anticipated we were heading for something really good. And If we’d went on a date, like I was hoping for, then I thought us sharing a class and spending more time together would be a _good_ news”

Guilt twists at Lucas’ stomach. “It’s still good news. I just-”

“I get it” Eliott smiles, his eyes sparkling playfully. He pulls the beanie hat from his head, running a hand through his hair. Then he leaned over until his breath tickled at Lucas’ ear and whispered, “don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

Lucas gazed at him as he pulled back into his original position. He could only hope his expression was an unreable as Eliott’s. They sat watching one another for a moment, it was like they understood each other better than either of them were comfortable enough to admit. And then, with the vibration of Eliott’s phone, the moment passed. The boy stood up, reaching out a hand to lift Lucas up with him. 

"So why Economics?" Lucas has to ask. "I thought you were doing Art?"

"There's a link between art and economics that often goes unnoticed. Art has the capacity to generate sensuous experiences and provoke emotions. Economics enhances critical thinking and helps us better understand ourselves, which in turn makes for better art" His shoulders hunch as he smiles nervously.

Lucas grins fondly. "You are-" he starts to say, but Eliott squints suddenly, shaking his head.

“Don’t. I think Chloe might need your attention” he nods his head over to the left of them, where a petite brunette is waving enthusiastically at him. 

“Chloe?” Lucas asks dazed.

“Yeah, your girlfriend” Eliott says giving him a steely look, but there’s the slightest hint of a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “I’m assuming that’s her”

He thought he’d made it clear last night that he didn’t have a girlfriend but as Chloe slowly approaches, Elliot’s lips pressed tightly together. Lucas was doomed to sit in front of this guy for the rest of the semester, and Eliott was making it clear how jealous he was. 

Lucas didn’t want a guy _acting_ like his boyfriend, anymore than he wanted an actual boyfriend. But with Eliott, it sent familiar tingles across his chest, reminding him of the night before when Eliott had been kissing his neck. 

“Hi Lucas” Chloe smiles brightly. She looks between him and Eliott. 

Eliott smiles tightly at her. “I have to go. I’ll see you later Lucas.” he says, without introducing himself to Chloe. Lucas watches him walk away for a moment too long. 

* * *

The next morning, Lucas makes sure to arrive early for his Economics class. His stomach churns with his eagerness to see Eliott again. The boy's tall frame walks through the door moments later, eyes immediately scanning the room until they land on Lucas and then he smiles bashfully. Lucas beams giddily at him in response. 

As Eliott steps past Lucas’ row, he reaches out a hand, grabbing at his sleeve. “Sit here today?” he gestures to the seat next to him, his eyes pleading. 

“I think we’re sending each other mixed messages” he smiles charmingly, dropping into the vacant chair. 

“I think I’ve sent you a very clear message and you’re choosing not to receive it” Lucas smirks. Deep down, he knows Eliott’s right though. Lucas’ mind has been consumed by nothing but thoughts of Eliott lately, and he lights up every time he sets eyes on the boy. 

“You _like_ me, but you don’t want to date me” he says in a hushed tone. 

“See you _do_ get it” Lucas laughs, as he teasingly runs a finger along Eliott’s jaw.

“Mr Lallemant, please keep your hands off Mr Demaury in my class” Ms. Berger states loudly. 

Soft laughter echoes around the room. Lucas recoils, snapping his hand down by his side. He’d forgotten there were other people in the room. Being around Eliott was becoming a dangerous game. He risked another glance at the boy next to him, Eliott stared straight ahead, his cheeks tinged with a reddish pink hue. They sit in silence as the teacher starts to speak. 

* * *

It’s lunch time and he’s sitting in a crammed cafe with the gang. He listens to their idle chit chat, throwing out an ‘oh’ or a small chuckle at all the right moments, but he’s not in the mood to join in. He hasn’t seen or heard from Eliott since this morning and it’s affected his mood more than he cares to admit. He’s gotten too used to joking around and texting with the boy. 

He lifts his coffee cup to his mouth, taking a sip. When something catches his eye out of the window - Eliott is strutting across the street and wrapping an arm around a pretty brunette girl. He sits up straighter, his brows knitting into a frown.

“Oh shit, he moves fast” Arthur laughs gleefully, pointing in the direction Lucas’ gaze is already fixed. 

“What do you mean?” Lucas asks meekly. 

“Eliott. You remember him from the party right?” Arthur, touches his arm. 

Lucas nods, not trusting himself to speak.

“Well, he asked me if I knew anything about a girl that was also there. Lucille-” he points back out towards their retreating figures. “I told him what I knew. I guess he liked what he heard and asked her out”

“Oh man” Basille laughs for a moment and then his face becomes serious. “Do you think he’d give me some tips?”

“All the tips in the world couldn't save you” Yann punches the boy's arm playfully.

“You uh, you still speak to Eliott?” Lucas asks.

“Yeah. He’s a really nice guy” Arthur nods. “We should actually invite him out with us some time-”

Lucas smiles insincerely. He wonders how serious Eliott is about Lucille. Maybe Eliott is just doing this to make him jealous, because he’d turned him down. It didn’t make sense for the boy to be interested in both of them - Lucas was nothing like Lucille. So maybe he didn’t really like Lucas after all. 

He hardly uttered another word for the rest of the time they sat together. 

* * *

“So what’s he like?” Mika asks, picking up Lucas’ legs from where he’s sprawled out on the couch, making room for himself. 

“Who?” Lucas asks, exasperated.

“The boy you like” Mika wiggles his eyebrows. “I’d know that face anywhere and it’s always about a boy”

“Eliott is-” Lucas pauses. “Imagine your perfect guy but better”

“Better?” Mika exclaims. “Better how?”

Lucas smiles crookedly. “He’s caring and understanding. He never gives up. He’s curious about everything, a little erratic maybe but creative and it’s impossible to feel alone when he’s around” Lucas shrugs. “But none of that matters because he’s out with someone else right now”

“I see” Mika tries to hide his smile. “Well maybe it’s your turn to not give up. If you like him so much...”

“It wouldn’t work out anyway” Lucas waves a hand dismissively.

“Well not with that attitude it won’t” Mika chastises.

“Are you forgetting something? You’re the only one who knows about me” Lucas sighed dejectedly.

“And whose fault is that?” His roommate fixes him with a stern look. “You can come out of that narrow, clusttered closet anytime”

Lucas can’t shake the uneasy feeling their conversation has left him with. He and Eliott had shared an unwise night together and formed a strange friendship from it. If Eliott was going to be preoccupied with Lucille now, then it meant Lucas could get back to normal. Maybe things would get better from tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

Lucas and Eliott’s friendship seemed to have stabilized. Over the next week, Eliott doesn't even hint at asking him out again and he’d stopped looking so jealous. They don’t talk about it, but Lucas is fairly certain it’s because he’s dating Lucille now. He’s spotted them a few times, having coffee or walking huddled close together across campus. And Lucas is definitely  _ not _ worrying about what they were doing together. 

The only thing that  _ does _ bother him, is that he and Eliott keep touching each other. Lucas has never been a very tactile person, but there’s just something about Eliott that makes it all so easy. They’ll be laughing and joking about something stupid in class, and he’ll reach out to playfully shove Eliott’s arm or knee. Or Eliott will affectionately tousle his hair. Or they’ll sway towards one another as they walk in the hallways, causing their shoulders to knock together.

His stomach twists. He doesn’t want to read into every slight touch and end up feeling like the illicit lover of a married man. Except he’s not a mistress, and Eliott’s not married. It’s all strictly platonic. They’re just being friendly. Lucas knows the real reason he feels uneasy is because he still likes Eliott so much. And every time the boy puts his hands on him, he likes him more and more. As problems go, it not exactly the worst one to have. His feelings for Eliott meant that Lucas was always on time for class, excited to spend every moment he could with the boy. 

* * *

Lucas had lost track of time in the library. Running his hands through his hair, he sprinted along the concrete path in the courtyard, coming to an abrupt halt when he sees Eliott laying on the grass with Lucille. The boy lay with his front to her back, his arms stretched to just above her head, as he reads out loud from the book he’s holding.  _ At the Existentialist Cafe. _ Lucas knows from here, that’s the book he’s reading. It was only yesterday Eliott’s eyes glimmered excitedly, as he spoke animatedly about how perfectly the author wrote about freedom, activism and authentic being.

Lucas had lay on the same grass with Eliott multiple times before, chatting between classes or eating the sandwiches they’d bought for lunch. The only difference between that scene and this one, was that Lucille and Eliott looked like lovers. 

Lucas can’t bear to watch them for a minute longer. Pursing his lips, he pulls out his phone and impulsively sends a text to Chloe:  _ There’s a party tonight, you should come with me. There’ll be food and I’ll even get you some of those sickeningly sweet cocktails you like so much. _

He knows he’ll regret it later. He likes Chloe just fine - but not in the way she wants him too. And not as much as he wants Eliott to see him  _ with _ her. As he slips his phone back into his pocket, he realises he can no longer hear Eliott’s melodic voice reading aloud. His eyes snap back to the figures in front of him, Eliott’s staring straight at him instead, the slightest hint of a frown flitting across his brows. The boy leaned up on one elbow. The sudden movement must jostle Lucille because she sits upright, trying to determine what could possibly be interesting enough to catch all of Eliott’s attention. Lucas doesn’t need to get caught in the middle of relationship drama, instead he pulls at the bag straps sitting heavily on his shoulders and walks away. 

* * *

At the party, Lucas has fun like always. But the entire time, he’s aware of where Eliott is, and what he’s doing with Lucille. 

His friends have somehow convinced someone to hook up the huge tv in the living room, to a console and are currently playing their fourth round of Mario Kart. Lucas is seated on the arm of a couch, with Chloe sitting precariously in his lap. Every time she turns to kiss him or grab at his face, he pulls away, looking around her at the television screen trying to pretend he’s invested in the outcome of the race. She eventually huffs out a sigh, removing herself from him and walking out of the room. For the first time all night, he feels like he can breathe. He knows he’ll have an apology to make later on, but his eyes are currently trained on Eliott and Lucille, so it’ll have to wait. 

They’re sat off to one side, near an open window, still close together - like a mature couple, too lost in each other to have fun with anybody else. Lucas wonders what it would be like to sit openly like that with Eliott - his hand placed high on Eliott’s thigh, his thumb rubbing a small circle against the rough denim of his jeans. Eliott’s face leaning in closer, his breath ghosting across Lucas’ face.  He shakes his head as a controller is shoved into his hands, pulling him from his fantasy.

“You can’t just give Lucas my controller because you’re losing” Basille shrieks, affronted. 

The next time he risks a glance in Eliott’s direction, they’re gone. Lucas doesn’t see either of them again for the rest of the night. His expression sours as he tries not to let himself think about what that means and what they could be doing right now. 

* * *

It’s Friday and Lucas welcomes the weekend. He only has one more class to get through, unfortunately that class is Economics. 

Eliott drops into the seat beside Lucas with a sigh. Rolling his head to the side, he smiles widely.

“Your eyes are grey!” Lucas exclaims, staring at the boy’s face. He rubs a hand over his mouth, embarrassed. He hadn’t meant to say anything, and he definitely hadn’t meant to say it so loudly. 

“Astute observation” Eliott giggles, raising a perfectly angled brow.

“Shut up” Lucas tells him, avoiding his gaze. “I just thought they were blue is all”

“Correct again” Eliott grins, his shoulders shaking with soft laughter. “Sometimes they look grey and sometimes they look blue. Your observational skills really are a ten out of ten. It’s only taken you, what, three weeks to notice.” 

“Shut up” Lucas grumbles again, willing the blush to stop spreading across his cheeks.

Eliott leans across the armrest of their joined seats and squinted at him. He looked adorable when he squinted. It made Lucas’ heart flutter. 

“For what it’s worth, your eyes are beautiful. I swear there’s a thousand shades of blue in them, like the ocean. Always so full of life, yet so uncertain. If you’re not careful, somebody might drown in them” He says, his voice hushed and his eyes continuing to linger on Lucas’ face.

Lucas swallows audibly. He’s sure Eliott isn’t  _ trying _ to sound so romantic, because he most likely has a girlfriend, but a soft warmth spreads through Lucas’ entire body at his words. 

He looks to the front of the lecture hall, watching as Ms Berger drops her satchel onto her desk and begins rummaging through sheets of paperwork. They still have a few minutes before she’s ready to start the class, which is good because Lucas isn’t done with Eliott yet.

“Your hair” he speaks quietly, reaching out to finger the back of it. “It’s a little shorter”

Eliott watches him with such intense eyes that Lucas hardly dares to touch him. But of course he does. He runs his fingers along the nape of Eliott’s neck and up into his hair, tangling his fingertips in it.  Lucas huffs out a laugh, as Eliott’s eyes slip shut. Right now, Lucas doesn’t care who sees or hears them. He lets himself indulge in this feeling. When he finally pulls his hand back and collects himself, he grins over at Eliott. 

The boy grinned back, with that cute squint. “Haircuts are a thing that tend to happen from time to time”

Lucas can’t wipe the smile from his face as the lecture begins. He flips open his textbook and notepad. He really does try to concentrate, but he’s hyper aware of their knees touching and the way Eliott’s foot is hooked behind his heel. 

* * *

As they leave class, Eliott has his eyes glued to his phone screen. He was probably anxiously awaiting a text from Lucille. 

“Wait up” someone called from behind. Lucas could hear the sound of footsteps quickening, as a guy he doesn't recognize jogs around the side of them and stops directly in front of Eliott. 

“Eliott, right? You do pretty well in Economics” The boy states, looking directly into Eliott’s eyes.

One thing Lucas loves about Eliott in his shyness. Whenever someone approaches him to speak - that isn’t Lucas - he always parts his lips but stays silent. A stricken look enters his crystal eyes, and it takes him five seconds longer than it would take most people, to come up with an answer. He wasn’t stuck up, he just had a hard time meeting new people.

“I do okay” He nods. Lucas knows he’s uncomfortable by the way his eyes widen and he begins to wring his hands. 

“Well, I was wondering, if you’d maybe want to get together some time and go over notes? There’s just some stuff I’m really not getting” The boy asks, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Eliott glances quickly at Lucas. “Um..I-” he stutters. Lucas is overcome with the need to defend and protect him. 

“The library has a really good Economics section” Lucas interjects. He twists his mouth into a tight smile. It’s bad enough he has to see Eliott with Lucille, he couldn’t handle a third person being all over the tall boy. Not that Lucas blames him for wanting to get to know Eliott better. Anybody in their right mind can see what a catch he is. 

“He’s right” Eliott agrees, sliding his hands into his pockets. His shoulders straighten as the tension leaves his body. 

The boy from class frowns. “Ok..I guess”

Lucas takes a step forward. “See ya later then” he pats the boy on the arm. Reaching behind him with his other hand, he grabs onto Eliott’s sleeve. Eliott allows himself to be dragged along, giggling jovially as they race through the hall and out into the cool evening breeze. 

“I think you might be the only person who gets me” Eliott admits shyly, before boarding his bus and leaving Lucas alone to ponder  _ what the hell _ that means.

If only _he_ understood him then in some small way, in a tiny warped corner of Lucas’ mind, Eliott was still very much interested in him and Lucille didn’t stand a chance. If only he could be brave enough to do something about it.

* * *

“You’ve been lying to me” Eliott says into his ear. A chill shot down his neck. 

Lucas straightened up, staring at him. He tried to read his expression. When he’d said that Lucas had lied to him, his mind immediately went to the fact he liked him  _ way _ more than he wanted to let on. Rather than melt into a puddle of hysterical shame, however, he drums his fingers against his knees. “Yes, I have. Which lie do you mean specifically?”

With an impatient huff, Eliott sits next to him. “You’ve given me the impression, on purpose, that you’re some free-spirited guy, who doesn’t care about school or relationships or the future but that’s not true is it?”

“I don’t think anyone would ever describe me as free-spirited” Lucas smirks. 

Eliott shrugs. “You pretend you’re so disinterested, but you have the highest grade in our class”

“Well-” He started to point out that they grade on a curve but Eliott carried on speaking.

“You have the highest grade in the class and you didn’t even offer to study with me? Does my education mean nothing to you?” Eliott holds a hand to his chest in mock offence. 

“Oh” Lucas twists his mouth into a grimace. “It’s because your grade is beyond saving at this point, seems like a waste of my time” 

“Wow” Eliott drawls, throwing his head back. “The lies just keep on coming with you”

“I haven’t lied” Lucas laughs. He knows Eliott’s only teasing, but something about being called a liar by him - after the circumstances of the first night they met, when Lucas hadn’t meant to mislead him - really ticks him off. 

“ _ You’re  _ the one who needs everything to line up perfectly or it doesn’t make sense. Why can’t you just let me be an underachiever?” Lucas whines. “Besides,  _ you _ are the one who lied to me, the night of that first party. I thought we were kindred spirits but you had alterior motives”

“Oh” Eliott’s eyes widen in surprise. “You mistook me for something else, so that’s the only reason we…” His voice trailed off but his silence told Lucas the rest of what he was thinking. All of it was true. Lucas had lured him home with him because he thought it would be a fun, one-time thing. But Eliott had ruined everything but being an upstanding, loving and perfect person. Someone who Lucas couldn't get out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried.  


Eliott nodded, as if accepting of his fate. “So listen, I had something to ask you. Don’t worry it’s  _ not _ about a date”

Lucas laughed, trying to show Eliott he wasn’t uncomfortable. His heart was beating so hard it hurt. 

“My art professor wants me to submit three pieces for this amateur art show downtown, and I wondered if you’d help me choose which ones? An unbiased opinion or whatever” Eliott lifted his shoulders in a shrug. 

He wasn’t asking Lucas on a date but he was issuing an invitation for something so sweet and so personal to him, that Lucas couldn’t refuse. “I don’t know much about art but, sure. I can do that for you. And that’s not a lie” Lucas chuckles. 

Except that it is. Lucas is too far gone on Eliott to ever be unbiased about something he’s created. 

“Okay, tomorrow night then? If you’re sure you don’t mind spending an evening with me” Eliott smirks. Lucas doesn’t miss the way his eyes drop down to his lips.

Lucas found himself speechless. His mind going back to their first night together. How good Eliott had made him feel. How Lucas had decided one night was enough. How  _ wrong _ he had been about that.

Gathering his thoughts, he swallows audibly. “I don’t mind at all”

“It’s a date then” Eliott cackles, wagging his eyebrows at Lucas, before jogging away without another word.

“Eliott it’s not-” He calls after him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update, I've not had a lot of time to write recently.   
> I appreciate your comments and kudos. Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Lucas sat alone in an armchair, watching as his best friends laughed and joked around him. He’s never felt lonely around his friends before, but keeping his feelings a secret is pushing him further away from them. Lucas knows they can sense it too. It’s written all over their faces with each furrowed brow or pitying look sent his way whenever they’re all together. He longs to be his old happy self again, the Lucas before he’d truly discovered and understood his feelings towards other men. 

As he picks at the label of his beer bottle, he thinks about Eliott. Most people stop pursuing Lucas eventually, they grow frustrated with his inability to commit and give them what they need. And he's fine with that..or at least he was. Things would be easier if Eliott just gave up on him, but Lucas hopes he won’t stop for a while yet. He’d miss him too much. Lucas can deal with his own hurt feelings, if it means Eliott keeps him around for a little bit longer. Although in a way Eliott  _ had _ already stopped trying. He’d asked out Lucille. 

“Lucas” Yann’s voice breaks loudly through his thoughts. 

Lucas’ eyes flitter over in the direction of the couch, where three faces stare at him expectantly. “What?”

Yann opens his mouth to speak, but then shuts it with an irritated sigh. “It’s your turn” he holds out a controller.

Lucas shakes his head. “I don’t feel like playing.” They each give him one of those worried glances again. He pushes himself to his feet. “I’m getting another beer” he grumbles, heading for the kitchen.

It’s not long before the kitchen door swings open and Yann stands awkwardly in the doorway. Lucas braces himself against the kitchen counter, waiting for his friend to speak. 

“Have we done something wrong?” He asked, his voice calm, stepping into the room.  


“Of course not” Lucas says weakly. 

“Then what’s up with you? You’ve been off for weeks now and we kept thinking you’d either tell us or fix whatever it is, but it’s not getting better” Yann stares at him with wide eyes, his palms held out in front of him, frustrated. 

Lucas stares at him pleadingly, silently begging him not to push it. Yann shakes his head, waiting for Lucas to speak.

“I just-” Lucas says shakily. Yann raises an eyebrow, gesturing for him to continue. “I’ll be fine. I’m just dealing with something right now. I’ll do better at not being so lame okay?” He finishes, hating how small his voice sounds.  _ Fucking coward _ he thinks to himself.

Yann sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “Whatever dude. Just know that whatever it is, we’re here for you, always. There’s nothing you can say or do that will change that fact, alright?”

Lucas nods, smiling sadly. He waits until Yann turns his back and leaves the kitchen before letting a tear fall, wiping roughly at his eyes with the sleeve of his cotton sweater. 

When Lucas re-enters the living room, he plasters a fake smile onto his face and forces himself to join in with the others. He talks and laughs and makes fun of Basille, like everything is back to normal. He can pretend for a while longer. 

* * *

It was an exceptionally warm day, which Lucas was fine with, until he sat down on the grass with Eliott. After finishing their lunch, the boy decided to pull his t-shirt over his head.  As much as Lucas wanted to see his broad shoulders and slender frame again, he quietly said, “You can’t take your top off”

“Yes I can” he spoke through the thin material. “Watch, it’s stretchy.”

“No, I mean…” Lucas’ voice trailed off, as he allowed himself a glance down at Eliott’s naked torso. “It’s probably against some sort of university dress code”

“Suddenly you care about the rules?” He cracked a lopsided grin, cheekily throwing his bunched up t-shirt at Lucas’ face. 

Lucas inhaled a long breath through his nose before throwing the shirt back. The scent of tobacco and amber from the material had an almost calming effect on him. Eliott always smelt the same and the smell was always divine.  


“Mr Demaury,” Ms Berger called from the pathway. “Please put your shirt back on. This might be a university but we do try to maintain a certain standard”

He gave her a sour look for a moment then obediently shoved the, now wrinkled, t-shirt back over his head.  Lucas smirked at him. “I don’t want to say I told you so, but..”

In the distance, his eyes land on Chloe. She’s standing with one of her friends, he thinks she might be called Maria, but he’s not sure. They’re chatting ardently, looking over in the direction of the two boys. Eliott’s eyes follow the direction of Lucas’ frown.

“So you’re still seeing Chloe then?” Eliott asks. “You didn’t tell me that”

His question shocks Lucas for a second. Eliott hadn’t mentioned Chloe or sounded particularly jealous for over a week now. He wasn’t seeing Chloe. They hadn’t spoken since the party and he’d never  _ actually _ been seeing her, not in the way Eliott had meant. 

“Um-” Lucas said, pulling at the blades of grass beneath his open palm. Part of him wanted to tell Eliott he  _ was _ seeing Chloe, just to give the boy a taste of what he felt every time he had to see him with Lucille. 

The university clock tower chimed loudly, signally the start of a new hour. Lucas was thankful for the interruption, he didn’t want Eliott to ask him about Chloe again. He’d prefer to let the question hang there unanswered, that way Lucas wasn’t lying to him and maybe it would leave Eliott to wonder about him and the brunette girl. 

“I have a class to get to” Lucas stood up, brushing a hand across the back of his jeans to get rid of any loose grass. “Do you still want me to come over tonight, to look at your art?” 

“Of course I do” Eliott smiles eagerly. “What time does your last class finish?”

“Not until four-thirty” Lucas twists his mouth, he knows Eliott finishes much earlier. “You don’t have to hang around for me though”

“And what if I want to?” Eliott smirks. 

“Then you’re even more stupid than I initially thought” he laughs, ignoring the way his stomach twists excitedly. “Go home after class, Eliott”

Eliott huffs out a resigned sigh. “I guess I’ll text you the address then and-” he glances down at his phone screen. “-I’ll see you again in 4 hours”

“Can’t wait” Lucas grins giddily as he pulls his bag onto his shoulder. 

* * *

Eliott buzzed Lucas into his building. Lucas forced himself to take the steep steps up to Eliott’s floor, one at a time. He didn’t want to seem too keen.  Eliott, however, didn’t have the same worry. As Lucas approached his apartment, he saw the door already open and the taller boy leaning against the wooden frame, a warm smile on his face. “Come on in”

Lucas stepped inside. “The living room is straight ahead” the boy said, pointing to an ajar white door. Lucas hears the front door click shut behind him.

Lucas glances around the cosy room. There were canvases on the floor, leaning against furniture, and lots of little doodles of animals stuck up all over the walls. Lucas smiled, amazed by Eliott’s talent. He could feel Eliott’s eyes on him as he walked around the room, taking everything in. 

“Eliott, these are-” he paused trying to find the right word. “Unbelievable.”

“Well I mean, the raccoon is just for me. Some people keep a diary, I do these” He gestures to the abundance of paper drawings crowding the wall in front of them.

“While the raccoon and friends are adorable and very cool, I meant your canvases” Lucas smiles softly. Lucas carefully picked one off the floor. Bright bursts of pink, blue and yellow intermingle harmoniously, emerging from a disjointed monochrome background. Lucas has always viewed abstract art as a bit of a scam, but this speaks to him. Makes him feel kind of hopeful. “You’re so incredibly talented”

Eliott runs his fingers across the back of his neck, glancing shyly at the floor. “I don’t know about that. I think I do okay. I just like having an outlet to express myself”

“You shouldn’t sell yourself short” Lucas stares encouragingly at him. “This one is going in the definitely pile” he says, placing the canvas in his hands over to one side. 

“Oh okay” Eliott chuckles breathlessly. “One down, two to go then. Do you want a beer while you look through the rest?”

“Sure” Lucas nods, staring after Eliott’s retreating back. 

* * *

With all three paintings finally chosen, they collapse backwards onto the couch, beers in hand. Lucas isn’t sure how long they sit there, staring at each other with ridiculous smiles on their faces. 

“Thank you for letting me help you with this” Lucas says, his voice hushed, not wanting to ruin whatever moment they’re having. “It was really cool”

“Your welcome. Thank you for wanting to help” Eliott replies in a similar whisper.

Lucas lifts his beer bottle to his mouth, taking a sip before leaning forward to place the now empty bottle, onto the wooden coffee table in front of their knees. Something catches his eye, placed among the discarded paper scraps and colored pens, is a lipstick tube. Eliott lives alone, so Lucas knows who it must belong to. Lucille. And just like that his euphoric high is gone. 

“I have to go” he announces, his voice sounds a little too loud in the quiet room. “Maybe you should get Lucille to help you with this stuff from now on” he adds bitterly, leaping to his feet.

His suddenness startles Eliott. A frown passes over the boy’s face. Possibly due to the fact it’s the first time Lucas has ever acknowledged Lucille’s existence out loud. His eyes follow the trail of Lucas’ movements - like he’s trying to catch up on what’s happening - narrowing as they stop on the discarded lipstick. 

“Are you mad about a lipstick?” Eliott asks.

“No” Lucas answers gruffly. “Maybe. I don’t know”

Eliott laughs bitterly, running his hands through his messy hair. “I don’t know what you want from me, Lucas”

_ Everything _ , he thinks but doesn’t say. The air in the room suddenly feels thin. The blood pounded in his ears. His heart thudded in his chest. His arms shook and his legs tingle, as he took a step back. “Nothing. I don’t want anything from you” he said, rushing towards the door. Tears sting at his eyes as he runs down the cold, concrete steps and pushes through the door and into the warm night. Eliott doesn't follow him and Lucas is unsure whether he's thankful or pissed about it.  _ Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry,  _ he repeats to himself the entire way home. 

It’s not until he’s laying alone in his bedroom that he finally allows himself to release the tears. 


	5. Chapter 5

It’s been four days since Lucas stormed out of Eliott’s apartment. Four long, torturous days without any contact. His sleeping pattern has become fractured ever since their argument - if you could even call it that - Lucas was exhausted. Every night was a futile tussle of conflicting thoughts. He saw Eliott’s face every time he closed his eyes, and every time he opened them, he missed the boy more. The world around him was moving faster than he could keep up with. Lucas felt like he was stuck on slow-mo. 

Eliott had become a silhouette in Lucas’ life. The boy’s absence had taken all of the joy and colour from his life and left him with only blackness. He wanted nothing more than to talk and laugh like they once did. To keep him close. Lucas knows it’s all his fault. Even though Eliott isn’t speaking to him, his aura still remains - beautiful and strong - hovering over Lucas like a constant reminder of what he’s missing, making the pain worse. 

His thumb hovers over Eliott’s name on his phone screen. He’d been craving the soft sound of his voice. Before he can decide whether or not to make the call, the shrill vibration of his phone pulls him from his decision. The screen displays Yann’s name. Lucas frowns, they never call each other. Not since the day the group chat was created.

“Why are you calling me?” Lucas answers the call.

“Hello to you too” Yann laughs, unphased by Lucas’ bluntness.

“Why are you-”

“Yeah, yeah, why am I calling. I heard you the first time” Yann cuts him off. “I’m  _ calling _ because you’ve been a miserable prick for days now, and I knew you’d just ignore my messages”

“I-” Lucas sighs. “I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry Lulu. Just be better” Yann says gently. “What are you doing tonight? Other than moping around?”

Lucas hesitates, he really doesn’t want to see anyone but he knows his friend isn’t going to let him off the hook that easily. “Nothing. Do you want to come over?”

“We’ll be there in an hour” Yann says happily. “Operation: cheer up Lucas, will be in full effect”

Once he gets off the phone, he glances around the living room at all the discarded coffee cups and plates of half-eaten food. He better get cleaning. As he loads everything into the dishwasher, he catches sight of his reflection in the glass panel of one the cabinets above. He absently runs a hand through his hair. He looks a mess. He’s really going to have to shower before the guys get here.

* * *

He buzzes his friend into the apartment building and unlocks the fonr door for them. He wanders back along the hall and into the living room, forcing himself to throw the fluffy blanket he’d spent the past few days wrapped up in, into the corner of the room. 

“We’re here and we have beer” Basille yells gleefully, as they make their way to Lucas. 

“I could definitely use one” Lucas smiles faintly at him from the couch. 

“We  _ will _ have beer, is what you mean” Yann rolls his eyes, pulling Lucas into a one-armed hug. “Arthur said he’d grab it on his way over.”

“It’s open” Lucas calls out, when he hears three short knocks on the front door. Arthur mustn’t hear him because a moment later, a further three knocks sound against the wood. Lucas ambles towards the door, pulling it open.

“I said it’s open-” his words falter. 

Standing in the doorway, shuffling awkwardly behind Arthur, is Eliott. Lucas’ chest tightens. He could see Arthur’s mouth moving, but he couldn’t hear any of the words over the blood pulsing in his ears. Arthur thrusts a case of beer towards him as he steps inside the apartment, removing the scarf from around his neck. Lucas takes a hold of it, his hands trembling. Eliott still won’t meet his gaze. 

Lucas can fake a smile for his friends, he can pretend to be happy, he can do a lot of things. But he cannot pretend he isn’t in love with Eliott.

“You remember Eliott” Arthur gestures towards the boy in the doorway. “Come on in man, don’t be shy”

Eliott nods, giving a small bashful smile, finally stepping over the threshold. Lucas longs to reach out and touch him. But he can’t. He takes a step backward but the trembling from his hands seems to have spread down to his legs, leaving him unsteady on his feet. As he wobbles slightly, he can see Eliott start to instinctively reach out a hand. It lingers mid-air for a second before dropping back down at his side. Lucas’ heart seems to pound even faster. He tries taking a deep breath to calm himself, but his breaths are sharp and shallow.

Eliott glances along the hall, as if to make sure they’re definitely alone. “I didn’t know it was you,” he pleads. “Arthur invited me for drinks, but he didn’t say it was at yours. I didn’t realize until we were almost here, and by then it was too late for me to bail” he stares at Lucas for a moment, his crystal eyes shining. “I won’t stay long. I’ll think of an excuse. Okay?”

He nods wordlessly. His heart shattering into a million pieces. Eliott can’t even bear to be in the same room as him anymore. 

“Are you two gonna stay out there all night?” Basille asks, poking his head through the gap of the door. 

“No” Lucas mumbles. “I’m gonna put these beers in the fridge unless you want them to get warm” and with that he turns on his heels, leaving Eliott behind once again.   


* * *

"So are you going to tell us why you've been so sad Lu?" Basille asks, straight to the point. Tact was never his strong suit. 

Lucas opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. How can he possibly answer that question when the perfect, kind and caring boy he's sad about, is sat opposite him. He can feel Eliott's eyes on him the entire time, it takes all of Lucas' willpower to avoid looking in his direction. "Not now Bas, I'm far too sober for that conversation"

“What I want to know" Arthur grins, "is how things are with you and the stunning Lucille?” he asks, turning to Eliott, playfully raising his eyebrows. “You haven’t given me any details. And right now, we are all one-hundred percent living vicariously through you.”

“Speak for yourself” Yann smiles, swatting at Arthur’s arm.

“That kind of.. fizzled out” Eliott grimaces. “She thinks I flirt too much with other people or something,” he says, taking a swig of his beer. 

“ _ You? _ ” Lucas asks bemused. “Why would she think you flirt with other people?”

Eliott shrugs, downing the remainder of his beer. He pushes himself to his feet and heads for the kitchen in three long strides. Lucas scrambles after him, ignoring the confused looks being thrown his way.

“Why does she think you flirt with other people?” He asks again, once they’re alone. They spend a lot of time together and not once has he ever witnessed Eliott flirting with anyone.

“Because of how I am with  _ you _ !” Those bright greyish blue eyes glare at him. 

He’d survived the sweltering heat of the day with no problem, but suddenly he felt sweat break out on his forehead and the back of his neck. Eliott was in a fight with his girlfriend because of  _ Lucas _ . Lucille knew they flirted with each other. 

A twisting pain settled in the pit of his stomach - which is what Lucas gets for being honest with himself - they  _ do _ flirt. Lucas just hadn’t realised that anyone else noticed. Even though it felt like he was always alone in the room with Eliott, they weren’t actually invisible during their shared class. They’d been in a fishbowl for everyone to see and gawk at. 

Eliott liked him. Or at least he  _ had _ . Lucas could tell by the way he was staring up at the ceiling, that he was angry. Lucille had turned her back on him because of Lucas. And that meant his friendship with Eliott was bound to come to a screeching halt. 

“Nothing to say about that?” Eliott prods, his fingers anxiously ghosting along his bottom lip.

“Are you blaming  _ me _ ?” Lucas bites out. “It’s  _ your _ girlfriend that’s annoyed by  _ your _ flirting. I’ve told you time after time-”

Lucas knows he’s on edge and lashing out unfairly, but the words just keep coming. Eliott straightens up, squaring his shoulders. His mouth flattens into a grim line. Lucas is fairly certain he’s about to yell at him. 

Instead, he opens his arms and slides them around Lucas, stepping forward until he’s cuddled against him, giving him a full-body hug. Lucas’ ear is pressed against the soft fabric of his t-shirt. He can hear Eliott’s heartbeat thumping as the low notes of his voice vibrated in his chest. 

“I’m not blaming you,” he said. “I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way”

Lucas allows himself to stay in Eliott’s arms, enjoying the way his body made him feel, for three deep breaths and then he backs away. Too conscious of his friends laughter floating in from the living room, to stay in the boy’s warm embrace any longer. 

He doesn’t miss the flash of hurt in Eliott’s eyes. “Are you okay?” he asks, as Eliott’s eyes slip shut. 

“Yeah” he mumbles glumly. “Too much beer, I think.” And with that, he steps around Lucas and retreats back into the other room.

* * *

Despite himself, his gaze floats over to Eliott the second he re-enters the room. 

“If you want my opinion” Basille says, amidst the sound of controller buttons mashing, tilting his head in Eliott’s direction without removing his eyes from the television screen. “You dodged a bullet”

Lucas glares over at him. He considers picking up the worn-out textbook on his coffee table and throwing it at him. 

“No-one wants your opinion” Arthur jokes. 

Eliott’s mouth slides to one side, like he’s frustrated but also trying very hard not to laugh. Lucas smiles faintly, the boy doesn’t seem _ too _ upset by his breakup. The last thing he wants is for Eliott to ever feel sad. 

* * *

It’s nearing midnight when their night starts winding down. Yann lets out a huge yawn, which seems to set off a chain reaction among them all.  “In the nicest possible way, you all need to get the hell out” Lucas grins. “I have an early class tomorrow”

The boys nod, gathering up their things. From the corner of his eye, he can see Eliott lingering behind the others. Lucas doesn’t say anything, part of him hopes he's doing it deliberately because he wants to talk. He ushers the other three boys to the door.  


“It was good to see you smiling again man” Yann claps a hand onto his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. Lucas nods.

When he walks back into the living room, Eliott is standing stiffly by the couch. “Lucille thinks I’ve been flirting with you but dating her” he says solemnly. 

“You  _ have _ been flirting with me but dating her” Lucas corrects him.

“No” he shakes his head empathetically. “I asked about her at the party because she’s in a couple of my classes, and I thought she seemed really cool. So then I asked her to lunch. I wanted her to show me around the city - you know, like how I asked  _ you _ to lunch first-”

Lucas nods politely with his eyebrows raised, trying to pretend he isn’t hanging onto every single word Eliott is saying. 

“She doesn’t actually seem to know anything about this city though, despite having lived here her whole life. I don’t recommend her as a tour guide” he smiles, but his eyes are missing their usual sparkle. “And outside of university and classes, I didn’t actually see her again until that party.. you know the one where Chloe was hanging all over you”

“You mean the party where you had your hands on Lucille’s thigh all night?” Lucas points at him. 

“That didn’t mean anything” Eliott says urgently. 

Lucas gives him a slow, assessing look. Letting him know that he wasn’t born yesterday. 

Eliott sighs lightly. “I don’t care whether you believe me or not.  _ You _ won’t go out with  _ me _ , remember?”

Tingles spread across Lucas’ face and chest, and he steps a little closer to him. Eliott hadn’t given him up in favour of Lucille after all. But something still didn’t make sense. “You were with her the whole night though, and you left together”

“Because I’ve been following  _ you _ around like a puppy for the past month. It’s embarrassing. When I heard you were going to be there, I couldn’t not go” He blushes.  


“Oh” is all Lucas says. In his defense, he really had assumed Eliott and Lucille were dating. But now he could see what he’d been putting Eliott through with the misunderstanding.  


“I shouldn’t have hung out with her” he frowns. “She assumed what everyone else apparently has, that we were dating. I guess she has friends in our economics class and she confronted me, in mine, after the party. She said we couldn’t be together if I was going to keep flirting with you. I tried telling her we were just friends, but we both know that’s a lie on my part.” He says biting at the skin of his lips, making them look all puckered and red and so completely appealing to Lucas. “She yelled a lot after that and basically told me to choose - her or you.”

“And?” Lucas asked, his voice hoarse. “What did you decide?”

“Isn’t that obvious?  _ You’re _ the one I’ve spent all my time with”

Lucas felt his face turn beet red. He silently watched as Eliott moved forward, closing the gap between them. As their lips met, a zap of electricity shot through his body, paralyzing him on the spot. Which shouldn’t be happening because they weren’t even really kissing, not yet. Their lips were only pressed together. If Lucas stepped away and acted embarrassed, they could probably still laugh it off, like it was just a mistake. 

Instead, his lips parted and they were kissing for real. Neither of them were drunk this time. As the kiss deepens, their tongues fall seamlessly together. Lucas clutches onto Eliott with both hands, pushing himself even closer against his chest. His eyelids flutter half-open, wanting to admire what Eliott looks like in this moment. He is not disappointed. 


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, Lucas awakens to an arm thrown over his chest and a leg partially across his hip and thigh, as Eliott breathes softly against his cheek. He smiles to himself, thinking about the night before. Hands pressed against smooth skin, warm lips and shallow breaths. He gently peels the sleeping boy from his body and slides out of bed. A hand grips his wrist, pulling him backwards. 

“Hi” Eliott rasps. The sight of the boy’s messy hair and tired, squinting eyes melts Lucas’ heart. He rejoins him under the covers. 

“Good Morning” Lucas grins.

Eliott’s fingers brush gently along the back of Lucas’ knuckles. “I’m sorry again for not telling you about Lucille sooner. You didn’t know what was going on, and I allowed you to think it was something more than it actually was. I know how frustrating that must’ve been for you”

Lucas places his hand onto Eliott’s knee. The boy looks down at it. “I was a lot harder on you than you deserved. I never should have avoided you.” Lucas wished Eliott would put his hand on top of his own. To give him some sign everything was really going to be okay now. “Over everything else, I still considered you a friend” he said quietly. “The first night we met, I think we read each other completely wrong but since then, I think we’ve gotten to know each other better than I ever expected. It took me by surprise.”

“Me too” Eliott says, his voice low. “I like that you’re surprising though”

He watched Eliott as he spoke, his crystal blue eyes looked darker than usual from the shadows covering his face. Lucas felt a warmth spread across his chest and up his neck. He was more confused and turned-on now, than he had been last night when they kissed. Eliott’s words were weightier than his lips on Lucas’. They both understood they had a connection and no matter how much Lucas had tried to deny it, they kept ending up close to each other. It still scared the hell out of him. He removed his hand from Eliott’s knee as his thoughts turned to his friends. Would they be shocked and angry that he’d kept such a big part of himself hidden from them for all these years? 

Eliott glanced at the door. Lucas was scared he was considering leaving and quickly placed his hand back down across his knee, gently holding him place. 

“Can I ask you something personal?” Eliott asked. His brows furrowed, deepening his worry line.

“You mean more personal than, ‘Do you like it when I put my mouth on your nipple?’” Lucas laughed, recalling the last time they’d been in his room together. 

A blush stretched across Eliott’s face. He pursed his lips trying not to laugh. Lucas noticed goosebumps have broken out across his skin, he wondered if Eliott was remembering their night together too. He brought a hand up to the boy’s arm, slowly rubbing his hand up and down, trying to warm the affected skin. 

“I’ll take that as a yes, I can ask you” Eliott smirked. “Why haven’t you come out to your friends?”

Lucas shrugged. “There’s not one particular reason. It’s not like I think they’ll react badly or anything”

“Then why are you so scared?” He asks earnestly.

“The minute I say the words..it  _ will _ change things” Lucas avoids his gaze. 

“How do you know?”

“No matter how cool and understanding they are, it’ll be weird. They’ll wonder why I’ve hidden it for so long. It’ll make things weird.” Lucas stutters. 

“Maybe you think that because it’s what you keep telling yourself. It’s weird because you’re making it weird. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy Lu”

Eliott’s words circle around his mind. “No. They’ve known me forever and if I suddenly spring this huge thing on them, they’ll see me differently and I can’t handle that. I don’t want anyone to treat me differently.”

“Well, I see you very clearly” he smiles down at Lucas. “And I can tell that they love you and they worry about you. They just want to see you happy. It’s nice you have friends like that.”

Lucas groaned. Eliott had this ability to make everything sound so easy, like Lucas could have everything he ever wanted, all he had to do was ask for it. 

“Do you have classes today?” Eliott asked, tracing his fingers across Lucas’ wrist. 

Lucas craned his neck to look at the alarm clock on his bedside table. “Not for an hour yet, we have some time”

“And how should we spend that time?” He asked. There was absolutely no innuendo in Eliott’s voice but Lucas knows him, he was definitely flirting.

“I’m sure I can come up with something we both agree on” Lucas smirks. Rolling over, he uses his arm to push himself up until he’s straddling Eliott. The move wasn’t as graceful as he’d hoped for, but the short breathy chuckles it causes Eliott to release, means it was worth it. The split second before their lips meet, every nerve in Lucas’ body is electrified. The anticipation of them being together, in a way that’s more than words, is almost as exciting to him as actually being able to touch one another. 

“I fell for you that first night we were together” Eliott said softly, catching Lucas completely off guard. “And you can try to say it’s just because of what we were doing, but I know how I feel. I love you”

He doesn’t give Lucas a chance to respond, instead attaching his mouth to Lucas’s neck - which Lucas is thankful for because he doesn’t know what he’d say to that. No-one’s ever been  _ in love _ with him before.

“I like it when you do that” Lucas gasps instead. 

“I know you do, I remember” he feels Eliott smiling against his skin.

* * *

In the small cafe on campus, he sits with Yann, notebooks spread across the entirety of the table. A figure approaching causes Lucas to look up from the notes he’d been furiously scribbling. His mouth parts slightly when he sees Lucille standing there. 

She lifts her chin, staring down her nose at him. He probably deserves that. “Can we talk for a second?”

Lucas swallowed, pushing himself to his feet. “Sure. If you lay your weapons down” he nodded towards the cloth belt of sculpting knives wrapped in her hand. She sighed, shoving the rolled fabric into the bag hanging by her side before glancing at him as if to say _happy now?_  


The only small relief he felt as he followed Lucille away from his table, is that she looked like she was dreading this conversation as much as he was. 

“I’m going to say this under the assumption you’ve already spoken to Eliott. I’m sorry for the things I said about you. I was angry at him, and myself, and that’s not your fault. I just liked him so much, I’m sure  _ you _ know what that feels like and how stupid it can make you act”

It wasn’t what Lucas was expecting to hear. Eliott had obviously omitted what she’d said about him in his retelling of that night. Typical Eliott, always trying to spare his feelings. He’s smiling before he even realises it. “I do”

Lucille raises an artfully plucked eyebrow at him. “You know, the entire time we argued, he was more worried about  _ you _ and what  _ you’d _ think about my friends seeing you two together. Whatever is going on between you both, I really do hope you can sort it out. He deserves that much. Bye Lucas.”

_ He deserves that much.  _ No, Lucas thinks. He deserves so much more. He feels his face flush as he gives the girl a halfhearted wave goodbye. He trails back to the table with his head bowed, trying his best to avoid Yann’s questioning stare.

“I would say you don’t have to tell me what that was about, because you obviously don’t want to” Yann offered. “But no, fuck that. I  _ want _ to know what’s going on with you”

Lucas shifted uncomfortably on the black vinyl seat.  _ He deserves that much _ . “Well, there’s someone I like. Romantically.” 

Yann smiles reassuringly at him. “Lulu, that’s great news! Do I know them?”

Lucas takes a long, slow breath as he digs his fingers into his knees. “It’s not a- Wait. Why would you say them?”

It’s Yann’s turn to shift awkwardly. “Huh?”

“Why would you say  _ them _ and not  _ her _ ?” Lucas pushes. 

“I just kind of always thought, maybe you..” His voice trails off. “What I mean is, I think I know what you’re going to tell me. So you may as well just say the words” 

“I- I think I’m gay” Lucas mumbles. “I  _ know _ I am”

“Okay. So you’re out now, that’s it?” Yann smiles at him. 

“Yeah, of course that’s it. Were you expecting me to bake a cake with ‘I’m Gay’ written in icing or something?” He said, screwing up his face. “I still need to tell the others though, so don’t say anything yet?”

“There’s the little shit I know and love” Yann reaches over to ruffle Lucas’ hair. “You don’t need to worry, my lips are sealed. You _ should _ tell them though. Dammit, now I really want cake.”

Lucas spluttered with laughter. “Well I guess the cake is on me,” he says, reaching for his wallet. “Thank you. For everything”

After waiting in a queue for longer than he'd have liked, he places a plate down in front of Yann, the boy smiles up at him. “So, you never told me who it is?”

“What?” 

“The person you like” Yann laughs at him. “Who is it?”

“Eliott” His voice sounds small even to his own ears. 

“Eliott, as in-” Yann raises his eyebrows. 

“The one and the same” Lucas nods.

“He seems like a really cool guy, Lu” Yann smiles. “I’m happy for you. You should invite him to guy’s night”

“He’s amazing. It’s just not as simple as that” Lucas says. And so he explains everything to Yann. All of the times he’s pushed Eliott away, and all of the times Eliott has come back to him anyway. 

“Let me get this straight” Yann says. “You want him to like you enough that he doesn’t ask anyone else out, even though you’ve turned him down, but you were still kissing him this morning?”

“Correct”

“Dude, you are  _ not _ this selfish” Yann shakes his head, disappointed.

“Apparently, Eliott is my downfall”

“But..” he ponders things for a few seconds. “You said no because you hadn’t come out yet, right? Well,  _ I  _ know now, you’re out. Maybe you should reconsider your no boyfriend rule. I know you Lu, I find it hard to believe this was just a passing hook-up”

“I don’t want it to be. Not anymore, probably not ever. He told me he loved me this morning and I wanted to be able to say it back, but I couldn’t. Part of me is still so scared”

“You need to take a leap of faith, my man” Yann presses his lips together. “Let him show you there’s nothing to be scared of. People don’t always leave, Lucas. Sometimes they stay, but you need to give them the chance.”

* * *

Lucas wanted to make sure that when he opened the door on Saturday night, Eliott had something to look at. He put on a navy long sleeved top and a pair of fitted jeans which he knew Eliott  _ really _ liked.

As his three friends pushed passed him and made their way to the living room, Eliott stood in the doorway gaping at him. Simply looked him up and down with his mouth open. “You look-” he said, lifting Lucas’ chin with two fingers. “So beautiful”

Lucas knew he was staring dreamily at the boy. His plan had backfired in a matter of seconds.

“You’re so cute when you’re blushing” Eliott cooed, cupping his cheek. Then he stepped around Lucas and made his way through to the other room. 

****  


“That is not even fair!” Lucas squealed after Eliott had beaten him at another round of the game. “There’s no way I’d have challenged you, if I’d known you could actually play. I should’ve made you sign some sort of disclaimer” he said, poking Eliott in the chest.

Eliott grabbed Lucas’ hand, grinning. “You shouldn’t have underestimated me”

“Well I know that now” Lucas huffed. 

“My turn” Basille said, taking the controller from Eliott. Lucas handed his over to Arthur. 

Eliott slouched down on the couch, a bright smile still on his face as he turned his head to face Lucas. He held the boy’s gaze, ignoring the little encouraging looks Yann was sending his way, over Eliott’s shoulder. The longer he looked into Eliott’s eyes, the more relaxed he felt. Any awkward unease from the last time they’d all spent together, had been replaced with Lucas' usual desire to be around him, talk to him, joke with him, capture all of his attention and bask in his glow. 

Slowly Lucas reached out, running a finger along the outer seam of Eliott’s jeans. The boy’s eye’s widened in surprise.

As they sit on the couch, surrounded by their friends chatter. He takes one more look at Eliott’s beaming smile and finds himself leaning closer. “You can kiss me” Lucas speaks softly. 

“What?” Eliott narrows his eyes but there’s a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

“You keep looking at me like you want to kiss me” Lucas shrugged a shoulder. “So, I’m just telling you, you can..if you want to”

“Yeah?” Eliott asks breathily, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah” He answers confidently. 

Eliott’s eyes are mesmerizing as he closes the space between them, pressing their lips together. The kiss starts off gently, but when Lucas’ arm slinks around his waist and grabs a fistful of his shirt, Eliott deepens it, and everything becomes more heated. 

The sudden silence that falls on the room is deafening. Panic knots and swirls in Lucas’ stomach like a vortex. He pulls back from Eliott. He can feel Eliott staring at him, his breathing laboured, but he can’t look over. He’s afraid of the disappointment he’d see written over his face. All of the reasons he didn’t want to do this in the first place are flooding back to him, the longer his friends are silent. 

“I knew it!” Basille hits his hand out, connecting his fist with Arthur’s chest. “Pay up”

“I can’t believe I’m living in a world where Basille was right” Arthur shakes his head, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. “I mean, no offence” he continues speaking, gesturing towards them both. “I just didn’t think Lucas could get someone that looks like  _ you _ ” His friends all laugh.

“Wait. What?” Lucas stammers. “Yann, did you-”

“Hey! Don’t look at me” Yann holds his hands up. “You asked me not to say anything, so I didn’t”

“You knew?” Basille exclaims. Yann just holds his hands up again. “This is actually great. There’s so many things I want to ask. Like, what’s a bear? And why are there so many animals?”

Lucas hides his face in his hands, looking through the gaps in his fingers at Yann’s horrified expression and Arthur groaning in dismay.

“No more Drag Race for you, Bas” Arthur clamps a firm hand onto the boy’s shoulder.

Basille looks mildly offended. “What did I say?”

The dulcet sound of Eliott’s laughter is what makes Lucas finally lower his palms. “I’ll teach you all of the lexicon” he grins at Basille, leaning into Lucas’ side and wrapping an arm around his waist. 

Basille smiles brightly. “He’s my new favourite. You can all go fuck yourselves”

Lucas laughs heartily, the embarrassment and worry fading more with each second Eliott spends pressed against his side. He tilts his head back to find Eliott already looking at him. He places a chaste kiss against the boy’s lips, sighing happily. 

As loud chatter floods the room once again, Lucas feels whole for the first time in his life. He can’t believe he was scared to let himself have this for so long. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> Your kudos and comments make my day!


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